Sunday, July 28, 2013

My Hair Illusion

So, let me tell you a story. There is this doll of a woman that I know. We go to the same church. She is always so nice to me, and even humors me by laughing at me when I make inappropriate comments during church lessons for the sole purpose of making the "stuffy" people feel uncomfortable. For this I will love her forever. She also always compliments me on my hair and how thick it is. For this, I laugh at her. You see, my hair is really fine and flat. But she doesn't believe me! I tell her, "It's an illusion, doll...." 

She has told me to do a blog post on this topic time and time again, and she has finally worn me thin. I just need to make it known that I am NOT a hair stylist (for this I have one woman--you know who you are), more often than not I am in desperate need of a trim and color, and I really have no idea at all what I'm doing. All I know is that this (kinda) works for me, and if you have hair like mine, maybe it'll work for you, too. So here goes.

First some background. My hair is fine (as I said before) but it's not necessarily thin as by the definition. I have a lot of it, but the actual strands aren't thick. What that means is that my ends tend to break off easily, but it's hard to moisturize without looking greasy because it isn't voluminous enough to mask it. How do you volumize and moisturize your hair at the same time without spending a fortune?! Very stressful, I know. 

So the first thing I do if I want to pretend I have big, thick, southern style hair that doesn't break is to use these three beauties. (You can buy it all at Walgreens. Well, at least I did. You can do whatever you want to...)

I use the CHI Silk Infusion on my wet hair, focusing on my ends mostly. This makes my split ends beg for mercy. I use whatever is left over on my hands and kind of just "go over" the sides of my hair. Then I use the Organix purple stuff (I get tired of typing out entire brand names. Plus it sound pretentious and that's annoying) on my roots. I don't even know if it works but it smells really good. Then, we blow dry. I do it upside down using a straight brush, a paddle brush or a round brush--whichever is closer. (See? I'm SO not a stylist.) Then after it's dry, I spray the CHI Iron Guard all over (but mostly on my ends) so that I don't fry my hair with my straighter. Am I supposed to use this before I blow dry? I dunno. Prolly. Like I said, not a stylist.

And then here I am. All three products used and just finished drying. Flat. Blah. Boring. Limp. Sad.

Next I go in with a teasing comb (mine has three different layers. I notice a huge difference when I use this one instead of the one with just two layers) and hairspray. Go at the crown of your head first, and spray. Hit it with a blow dryer to dry the hairspray and then tease it like a gazillion (I don't count, but probably 10) times and then do the same to the layer just under it. I do 2-3 layers. Then do the same thing on the sides. After that I pull apart and spread out all the crazy teased hair, hit it one more time with hairspray and let it sit for a second. I usually let it sit while I'm brushing my teeth and then I'm good to go afterward.

Next, I take the other comb-y thing (If a teasing comb and a bristle brush had a baby it would be this) and comb out a thin layer on top of my hot mess of a head so that I don't look like I've been electrocuted. 

Finally, I take my flat iron and clean up my ends so that they're all going in the right direction (that's all I really need since my hair is already straight) and then quickly go over the rest so that it looks smooth. If I have extra time, I'll even go over the teased portions. I figured this trick out (that is probably TERRIBLE for my hair) and realized that it helps the volume to stay and not look frizzy or tangled where I teased it. 

And after that (which takes me about 10 minutes from wet to done), here we are. Honestly, this is like the longest I spend on my hair, EVER. It's usually braided, in a bun or wavy (from sleeping in a braid or a bun). But when I decide not to be a lazy bum, viola.

Let me know what you think and share with me your hair care wisdom!

P.S. I know I need to get my roots done. Stop judging me.


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